


Butter on toast (or what happened after that fucking hug)

by Skye_La



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, bathroom kissing, emma being a fucking lemon, granny involving herself in other peoples business, regina self-sacrificing to the point of being counter productive, ruby being cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 23:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11839692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_La/pseuds/Skye_La
Summary: What happens right after Emma announces she’s marrying Hook and that awful hug.Oneshot, a bit angsty, what I wrote in the vacuum of garbage after the hug came out.





	Butter on toast (or what happened after that fucking hug)

“Mom, your stomach never rumbles. Go, will you?” Henry insists with a smile she doesn’t think she can return. 

She can’t eat now. Emma’s getting married. Married? She saw the ring, it didn’t suit her. She’s sick to her stomach. She doesn’t remember leaving the loft or walking to Granny’s, but the bell rings above her head and Ruby asks what she wants. 

The pirate gone is what she wants. Emma to be herself again, Emma to love herself again, Emma to think for herself and be free. She wants her to be the force of nature was, whose hungry eyes used to slide up her hips, her waist, used to set her on fire. Now they apologise, they struggle to meet hers, they won’t hold her gaze and JESUS CHRIST more than anything she wants back the woman who fought for their son, the woman who faced down The Darkness out of choice. She wants Emma Swan back.

“Regina?” Ruby prompts.

“S-sorry.” She stutters “Coffee.” It won’t help her acid stomach but she doesn’t care. 

-

Emma’s mad, real fucking mad like she can’t remember being in a long time. She didn’t want to tell Regina like that, and what was her response about? 

“Emma” she’d said with a tone of disappointment that sliced her in half. “I’m happy for you.” and it wasn’t right. 

They shared a hug and she had never realised how slight Regina was until that moment, but then it was over and she couldn’t think of anything else but the gnawing lie she had just told her.

 

She catches a glimpse of Regina’s back as the door to the bathroom at Granny’s swings shut, and she storms through the diner. Ruby turns to ask what she wants but stops dead at the look on her face. She keeps her mouth shut, not that Emma would even hear her right now. 

“Regina!” 

She whirls around and her short hair bobs at her cheek.

“Emma!” Regina says and it cracks with the same, the same something she can’t put her finger on. Fuck her, what right does she have?

“What the hell?” Emma demands.

“Uh-I--” Regina blinks.

She has only known Regina to stumble over her words once. The memory of announcing that she wants them to be friends comes back to her in an instant. Remembering the shock on Regina’s face stings her, a physical manifestation of Regina’s feelings of unworthiness. 

“Henry sent me to get food.” Regina says, as if Emma hadn’t been right there, and she was angry with Henty too but she couldn’t figure out why.

“Why aren’t you happy for me?” Emma shouts. “Haven’t I earned it?”

Regina’s face falls and her lips do that thing where they turn from a mouth into a rosebud and despite not opening they look bigger and fuller than any lips she’s ever seen. Her eyes do the same but it’s deep darkness that opens up and the noise in Emma’s head only seems to get worse.

“You have,” Regina says, barely above a whisper, “of course you have.” and her eyes drop to the linoleum bathroom floor.

She’s confused. She expected a fight. 

”Why aren’t you happy for me?” she asks and it sounds petulant. Hot tears fill her eyes as Regina sucks her cheeks in and refuses to look up.

“I am.” She says and it’s like someone crashing a cymbal in Emma’s ears.

“No you’re not!” She says and fiercely scrubs away the salty water that spills down both of her cheeks.

“Emma, please.” Regina says and looks up.

“What?” Emma demands “Tell me!” 

Regina’s head tips to the side and her eyes seem to beg her without asking. “You know, Emma.” she says.

“Know what?” the anger that vibrates through her is slowly turning to sadness. She hates seeing Regina like this. Isn’t she right, though? Doesn’t she have the high ground here? She’s less sure than she was a moment ago.

Regina closes her eyes, seems to steel herself and takes a step forwards. Emma feels the invisible line of what she considers to be her space crossed by Regina and they are firmly in each other’s space. 

“Emma,” Regina starts, her eyes only up to Emma’s stomach but making their way unseeing up her torso until they’re painfully locked with her own. “You already know why.” She says, and though they’re barely moving Regina’s chest rises and falls rapidly. 

Does she? She can think of a reason but surely it’s not the reason, surely that’s all in her head, it always has been, hasn’t it?

-

Regina has done harder things than this. She brought fire back to a dragon, she sent her son away to save his life, she fought what she believed to be the only source of her own strength because her son believed she could and she defeated darkness that had ruled her life for decades. Despite this she can barely breathe as she finds herself standing in front of Emma Swan, hoping beyond reason that she understands, that some part of Emma recognises the pain she’s in, even if she’s in it alone.

Emma’s eyes search hers desperately and she tries her hardest to keep them open, to keep her heart open so Emma can see, and it’s terrifying. 

“You’re shaking.” Emma says, her voice quiet.

She doesn’t have a response. She can see Emma coming up with reason after reason and dismissing them until she’s left with only one. 

“I’m sorry, Emma.” Regina whispers and glances away briefly. “I really do want you to be happy.”

“But…” Emma is there, she can see it in her eyes, she's arrived at the right conclusion. Regina loves her. It might be selfish, and god knows it's a cruel trick of fate, but she does. 

“But nothing, Emma.” She says and Emma continues staring. It looks like desperation in her eyes and she thinks she finally, finally understands what everyone has been talking about. Standing in front of Emma Swan, being honest, opening herself up to complete devastation she has never felt so strong. She has never felt so brave and she actually feels...freed? “I love you, Emma. I want you to be happy and I will try to supp--”

Hands take her cheeks and she almost loses her balance and something blocks her vision as her mouth is crushed against what she realises is Emma’s. Emma's lips, Emma's hands, Emma's nose bumping hers, Emma's breath in rushes mixing with hers. She rallies, giving back as much as she gets. Her hands go to Emma's jacket lapels. One slides down her side, just grazing the side of her boob in a way that makes Emma squeak. She almost stops to apologise for startling her but Emma doesn’t give her a chance. She left herself open and there’s no closing herself off now. She feels the noise coming before she lets it go, somewhere between a moan and a sigh that voices the relief she feels in every part of her body. She feels Emma shake and adrenaline shoots through her body. She’s sure she’s drowning and she wants to, until she feels a push at her hips, her eyes open to harsh light and her lungs fill with cold air again. 

“Ruby watch the bar for a minute” is what they would have heard if they could have heard anything before Granny walked into the bathroom. As it was, all Emma heard was a laugh before she shoved Regina away. 

Regina’s gasping for air because her head is swimming and Granny’s smiling and shaking her head. She can’t hear anything but she see’s Emma’s lips move. “We weren’t...it’s not what it looks like!” Regina’s heart plummets and everything turns to slow motion. “It’s nothing” Emma says as her sleeve wipes Regina’s lipstick from her mouth. 

The disbelief on Granny’s face is unbearable, she closes her eyes, about to turn to Regina with a look but she can’t bear to receive it. She somehow moves past Emma, careful not to touch her or her clothes that were bunched in her fists seconds ago. 

She doesn’t see her name scrawled on a coffee cup, the i dotted with a crown that Ruby’s been doing ever since she complimented her cappuccinos. The cold air outside burns her hot cheeks but she’s out.

-

The bathroom door swings closed and Regina is gone with it. Emma hears the bell ring and she knows that whatever that was is over. What just happened? What did she just do? She lurches forward.

“You think that’s a good idea? After what you just said?” Granny asks with audacity Emma can barely fathom.

“Excuse me?” she rounds on her.

“You called it ‘nothing’” Granny says, pushing a stall door open. “That wasn’t nothing, that was what happens after five years of bottling stuff up. And you just tried to force the cap back on, well you can’t unpop the champagne bottle not matter how much you might want to.”

The stall door closes and Emma’s rooted to the spot. How has this gotten out of her head? How has she let this hurt people? Regina is hurt, Hook will be hurt, she might just be about to disappoint her parents again, and Henry -oh shit, Henry- he’s gonna kick her ass. 

The toilet flushes and Granny’s behind her somewhere washing her hands. 

“That’s not...right. It wasn’t like that.” she says but she knows no one in the room buys it. “She’s not…and I’m not...I have Hook.” 

Granny just chuckles on her way out the door.

“Girl,” she smiles “you were on her like butter on toast.

Emma’s stomach lurches and she has to fix this before...before… but Regina always fixes things. Regina is the one who fixes things, the one who makes things make sense, the one she always looks for. Regina is the one that keeps them anchored, that she always has been. 

She feels physical pain like something is trying to push her out of existence. She closes her eyes and calls up her magic. She doesn’t picture a place, she pictures a person and disappears.

-

Regina leans on the fence that overlooks the stable pasture. It rolls gently, encased by the forest in the distance but wide and open on her side. She can feel the ground rumble with the thunder of horses running. She watches them toss their heads and chase each other. When she was younger she had wished she had their freedom. Now she seems to have it and the realisation makes her heart ache.

She feels rather than hears the fizz of magic behind her. She knows it’s Emma’s so she takes a breath before turning around. Emma glances around as if she doesn’t know where she is. She turns to see a black mare gallop away and when she catches Regina’s eye her mouth closes and her chin dips in recognition.

Regina’s hand instinctively goes to her jacket pocket, a nervous thing. She always used to have tissues in there when things were tough with Henry, but not recently. She watches Emma’s face as she walks up slowly. She’s usually so good at reading her but now she doesn’t know. Should she apologise? She didn’t do anything wrong. Emma kissed her. Emma kissed her. Her stomach turns over again. Emma’s face is unreadable until she’s only a few feet away. She sees it’s neutral, the worry lines on her forehead are faint. Regina swallows and feels her jaw clench with anxiety.

“Hey.” Emma says.

“Hey.” Regina replies after a moment.

Emma stubs the grass with her boots and slides her hands into her back pockets. 

“You think you could help me not fuck this up?” Emma asks.

‘Fuck what up?’ Regina thinks but she tilts her head trying to see Emma's face which obscured by her hair as she continues assaulting the ground.

“Emma?” She asks

Emma looks up and there's something different about her. She looks like she's there in a way she hasn't been for a while.

“Maybe we can tell Henry together?” She asks.

Regina doesn't understand. What would they tell him? Does he need to know about the kiss? She pictures him wrinkling his nose in disgust, the way Emma does sometimes, when he learns it was in a public bathroom.

“And if Hook is a dick, please don't curse him.”

“What?” She’s lost. 

“I know he usually deserves it, but don't like, cut off his other hand or turn him into an eel or whatever else you usually threaten him with. He’ll be too embarrassed to do anything but leave, probably.”

Regina’s head feels like it's full of the horses’ thunder.

“Emma, what are you talking about?”

Emma takes a breath and steps up to her.

“You know, I've been looking for a way to belong for so long. I wanted to belong to my parents, to Neal, to Hook-”

“If you belong to anyone it’s Henry-” Regina interrupts.

“Will you let me finish?” Emma asks with raised eyebrows and a hint of a smile.

Regina purses her lips.

“I wanted to belong to Hook and I think I could do that, but I'd be ok without him. I think I really belong with my family,” Emma glances at Regina and catches a glimpse of fear before she looks down again, “and I wouldn't be ok without you.”

Family. Emma just called her family, who she wouldn't be ok without. She knows she mostly means Henry, and the platonic implication towards her stings, but she's taken aback by the intimacy of being called family. It’s an accolade she would take with both hands and not give a second thought to the ache in her heart. 

“You guys make me feel like I don't belong to you, I belong with you, and I don't have to be anything I'm not to stay with you.”

Regina smiles. “That's incredible to hear, Emma. I'm so glad you feel that way.”

Stupid tears fill her eyes and Emma's hands hold hers. It's not what she wanted, but it's amazing nonetheless. Emma, her Emma is back. 

“But I'm gonna need your help.”

Regina frowns and swallows her tears. “With what?”

“Have I fucked it up already?” Emma asks

“Have you fucked what up?” Regina asks as Emma steps up to her. She's taller than usual and Regina glances at the ground. Emma's boot toes are balanced on a cobble sticking up out of the ground. “That's cheating.” She says and looks up.

Emma's eyes glint. “You wear heels, you're always cheating.” 

Her face is so close, can Regina be misreading this? She wants to reach up and kiss her, to wrap her arms around Emma's waist, to hear that squeak, to feel that shudder. 

“I'll help you not to fuck this up.” Regina says and when Emma smiles she feels her breath on her lips. “As long as you'll help me too.”

Emma's eyes find hers, crystal blue and open, the women she knows, trusts, loves is in there again, finally. 

“I will. Kiss to seal the deal?”

Regina tugs the lapel of Emma's jacket to bring her low enough to kiss. All thoughts of hurt and husbands and humiliation dissolve in the warmth and light that envelop them both.

“Was that--” Emma starts.

“Uh huh.” Regina concludes, not at all surprised by the burst of True Love.

“Should we--”

“Nah ah.” Regina decides. Anything that stops them from doing exactly this is not something she wants to do. She feels Emma’s lips smile against her own, feels her arms encircle her waist, feels her heart absolutely filled to the brim.


End file.
